Narrasist will never Suffer

I have found as I heal a few books that have helped me through the last few years of healing and growth.

Why does he do that? By Lundy Bancroft and the associated Daily Wisdom
When Dad Hurts Mom by Lundy Bancroft
Healing from Hidden Abuse by Shannon Thomas LCSW
Everything Happens for a Reason by Kate Bowler
Boundaries by Dr Henry Cloud
The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown
Quiet: The power of introverts in a world that can't stop talking by Susan Cain
Controlling People by Patricia Evans
KickAss by Mel Robbins
One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp
Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge
Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyers

Ok now that I actually written out the list, I have read ALOT.

The thing is, he will never suffer the same way I have. In so many ways that is what is so defeating. He will never feel the sense of responsibility I have to the people he contacts cause I was unable to stop him.

However, it is no longer in my control. I have to let that go.

I have to focus on the kids, and myself. I have been financially ruined. I need to focus on digging out of that hole. I need to focus on keeping life simple and providing the basics the best way I can for the kids to have a good future.

I am starting to dream again. Dream of vacations to come, of life where I don't have hearings over child care or support or visitations. Life where the bond I have with my children is enough. The bond I have with good friends and the people I rent my house too are my ministry.

I can live without punishing him for his bad deeds and decisions. I can let that part go now and rely on God to be my arm of justice. I can trust in Him, the Author and Prefecter of my faith.