Hubby and I are a couple, duh! Our first year of marriage was figuring out each other. We lost sight of our close friends and we became each others close friend. Then we had the baby...so we were focused on raising our baby and integrating our extended family into our little close family. We then moved and moved again, had another baby. Leaving us with each other...and our babies.
I think there comes a point in any long lasting relationship when your partner, who is what you need daily, starts becoming annoying. There comes a point where you feel so comfortable with the other person that they are part of you...an extension. All that God made marriage to be. However, one finds oneself in need again. Not just your friend, not just their friend but a couple that you can share life and issues with.
We have had a few couple friends since we have been married. The first couple friend we had hurt our feelings as they could not accept our past was our past and not our present. Since then we have been leery of finding another couple friend to hang with. We went to small groups with church and found a few, but most are so busy, or we just don't click and it is difficult to get together. One day long ago, we found our besties....I won't use their names to protect them. Our favorite couple, we play games, talk, go on vacations, help each other with our kids, and just do life together. We have some similar interests, but we always have a shared faith.
The funny thing about having a couple friend is that the person you find yourself to be with your mate, may be different than the person you find yourself to be without your mate. The key is to find the couple friend that both of you can enjoy. I find that I see sides of my mate when we are with our friends that I don't see anywhere else. All of a sudden that annoying thing he does when he sighs when he gets interrupted vanishes and he becomes tolerant because the conversation is stimulating. Maybe the wife of the couple sees the sigh and calls your spouse out of the annoying thing he does and all of sudden you have a voice about that annoying thing that you couldn't have voiced before cause it would have cause the argument or discussion to escalate. I find that I may actually like my mate afterall, as you see him open up the way he did when you fell in love with him...or her.
If you have been married for more than 5 years and you don't have a couple friend, I would highly suggest looking for one. Maybe this is something you have never considered before, or even known that you need it, but I would say it is vital for a healthy thriving marriage. Find a couple to do life with and you will find your life doing well as you go along. Just like any friendship it takes work...from all sides. If one spouse is engaged with a couple and the other is not, then they are not the couple friend that will work. Both need to be willing....and you may find that you click with only one person of the couple you try to befriend...as long as you are willing you may find you get something new you didn't expect out of it. You get what you put into it and vice versa.
I have found that if hubby and I are having a hard time and arguing about every conversation we have and then go and visit with our friends, all of a sudden the argument seems silly and we are able to see what each of us were trying to say from the others perspective. It takes time and patience, but it is well worth it. Both hubby and I feel better after a good visit over dinner and few laughs...we get what we need from people that are not with us everyday slugging it through the trenches. They are slugging through their own trenches. We as a couple can empathize with that slugging, relate, let the other couple know they are not alone. It is nice to just know that your experience is not isolated, that there are other people doing life right along with you, struggling with the same things, and even sometimes arguing about the same things. We are iron sharpening iron and that is what fellowship is all about!
Tonight I pray for all the couples struggling out there. Contemplating the bid D word (divorce) and pray that they seek a couple friend to walk along side them and know they are not alone. That the fight to stay together, is worth it. Don't give up, a blessing is just around the corner!
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