Marriage...Love & Respect

Hubby and I are taking the class at church...NVIEW.ORG Last night was only the second one, but there were so many points and insights. We have been married going on 12 years as of Aug 2014. We have both struggled with this thing called marriage.

I don't understand why it is such a struggle. I feel like he is my world, my everything, I would be lost with out him. I feel like I can't express that enough, and have it be received as how I really feel.

I express how I love to people with gifts and acts of service...favorite Ice Cream, A picture on FB, Making cookies, doing laundry, doing dishes, cleaning, finding that treasure in the store that makes me think of that person.

I receive love with words of affirmation, and when people give me gifts that really took effort and thought to give.

On our first week of marriage, I read the 5 Love Languages to my hubby...I  was so encouraged and eager to have a great relationship, I sped along leaving my spouse in the wake of my discovery. I am a working mom, that needs to work, not to financially survive but to emotionally survive. My history of hurt and inconsistencies as a child have changed my core character to need the structure and validation of my effort on a daily/weekly/monthly basis. I don't handle life well without the constant validation. In so many ways I am addicted to it. I need to know that I am doing well, because my self talk is so dark. Little by little, day by day as I take captive the negativity I get stronger.

As a strong willed woman I pray I can submit long enough and well enough to not push us both into oncoming traffic. I love my man!

I hope I don't run out of TIME....and I can learn to let go and enjoy my life! I will keep working on loving and respecting, one day at a time. 

Diabetes

Since Dec I have been diagnosed with Type II diabetes. I have been taking medication to help my sugars, changed my diet and started exercising more. I have met with Dietitians, Diabetic Nurse, and of course the Doc.

I kept it quiet for a long time. Not wanting people to judge me on my food choices or lifestyle choices. However, it is more than that.

>> http://katshel.blogspot.com/2013/02/foodweight-issues.html<< 

I have now told my story of abuse with food and exercise over and over so the emotion isn't there anymore. I feel like I have forgiven the person that abused me in that way, but now I am forced to lose the weight. I was told once that if you don't control yourself, you will eventually be forced to stay in control.

There are so many aspects to this issue as well. My kids are one-they want to know what is wrong with mom. Why mom isn't eating the same thing they are. Rachel had a nutritionist at her school and came home talking about it. She made mention for her perspective what I can and can't eat. I have many friends at work that also have Type II. If I ask a single question, they feel it is fair game to start telling me exactly what I should be eating, doing, medications, and other advice.

I told my mom, who acted weird around me for awhile. Asking what I can and can't eat, why this would happen if it was a genetic thing. I haven't been brave enough to tell my dad or step-mom yet. When I told my sister-in-law last weekend, and cousin, they were super understanding.

Since Dec I have lost almost 10 lbs. The nutritionist said today that I am doing really good choosing the right foods, just have to add the exercise portion to it. I am also working on the emotional side of things.

"Good fruit cannot come from continuing anything due to guilt, shame, or fear." Jones-Let-Go 193