This story is not for people younger than 18 as it very detailed and kids just don't need to hear about this.
I have written this story down many times in my life. For some reason the story gets lost, destroyed or in the last case the computer crashed. It is important for me to have a place where I can keep it. I wasn't able to explain why before, but now that I have had this post up for a year, I have not been the only one responsible for telling my story anymore. It is like a weight of all that I was bearing is lifted, just a little.
Once upon a time in a land far away and time before there was a little girl, about 4 who had a little sister. When the little sister was born-my little sister, I got a call from my mommy saying I was a big sister. I was so excited to meet her and play with her. It was quit awhile before she could play though, and mom was laying around a lot cause they had to take my sister out of my mom's tummy, Ouch!
Once she could walk though we has so much fun. She would chase me around the living room and we would listen to christmas music and dance! I remember being a really happy family. We had to move out of our little Red house we rented cause the landlord wanted to sell it. We moved into a two bedroom apartment. We made and found lots of friends as quite a few people we already knew from church lived in the new apartment complex.
I would climb into bed with my sister and play with her till my dad got up and got us dressed. Like every other morning I climbed in her crib with her, but that morning about a week before my birthday party. Kristy was 18 months old when I found her. Cold, hard, and still. I was 5 just about 6 when I woke up to find her dead. My mom has just left for work and my dad was the only one in the house besides well me. My dad did not like to get woken up and I was scared. That is when Jesus came and put his hand on my shoulder as I looked at her deciding if I was going to wait till dad woke up on his own or go wake him up and tell him. Jesus said in a soft sweet voice in my ear whispering to me, "Your sister is dead, be strong, be calm, go tell your dad." That is what I did.
I remember my dad's eyes when I said, "Daddy, Kristy is dead." He shot out of bed and ran to our room. He picked her up, and she stayed in her form, all curled up on her tummy in the fetal position. Dad then tried to straighten her out to give her CPR. I started scream from the hallway. "No, daddy, leave her alone. You are hurting her." I listened as her muscles popped and snapped, rigor mortis had already set in. The color of her body has only been replicated correctly by two shows I have seen in my life. Kristy had been dead for at least 3-4 hours when I had found her. Jesus stood in the hall with me as I screamed and jumped not knowing what to do with all my pent up energy. He held my hand and as I watched dad bang my sister on the side of the crib trying to wake her up, scared out of his mind.
I got my stool and reached up to the phone to call 911 crying. Dad laid her baby blanket over her, crying and I said, "Dad, we have to call 911, that is what my teacher told me." He grabbed the phone from me, pushed me down and started talking to the lady at the other end of the phone. I just stood up, trying to process. I then went and got dressed. My dad walked me over to the neighbors house. I remember just walking into their apartment. They were still in bed. Dad sat me down at the end of the bed and explained what happened. They asked me if I wanted to lay down and sleep a bit longer, but I felt very uncomfortable as I can't remember if they had clothes on. I shook my head no. I tried to follow my dad out, but he wouldn't let me. The neighbors put on cartoons for me, and I tried to watch for a while, but it felt stupid to watch TV with so much going on in my head. I knelt on the couch, looking out the window and watched him walk back to our apartment.
I considered not talking for a while. I think I was quiet the rest of the day. I felt that if I talked it would make what happened more real somehow. I sat on the couch and watched the cars come through. I think my mom came and gave me a hug, explained what each car was doing and it's job, and then left again. I felt like I was dreaming. I remember my mom telling me that they were going to do an autopsy to find out the cause of death. I was mad. It was the week of my birthday party, and now that certainly wasn't going to happen, or so I thought. I think I must have asked about my party a million times and begging that grandma come to it. I did have a party Dec 15, 1984 and my Sunday School Teacher came and gave me my very own Picture Bible. He even wrote in it, "From Mr. Al Tennent To Kathryn Spears with much love in Jesus!!". I still have it to this day and is one of my most precious possessions. My grandma and her husband arrived and seemed to make everything normal again.
I remember having a thought that death is like Alice and the Looking Glass. That all the spirits of those who have come before us go through a looking glass. That they are all there, but we just can't see them. I believe that God has a system set up to raise all babies to maturity. That God needed Kristy more for the work of those still living.
When I was pregnant with Owen I prayed asking to talk to my sister. One night she came to me in a dream and sat on the end of my bed. Kristy told me that she was talking a test to be a Guardian Angel and was hoping to be Owen's but didn't think she had enough time. She said that God never lets the same thing happen twice in a row and that Owen was safe. There would be a couple close calls, but not be afraid of loosing him.
Throughout the first year with Owen I fought hard against my fear of loosing him. We lived in a two bedroom apartment just I had with my sister. His 2nd Birthday was one to truly celebrate!
This last year, with loosing my cousin, and my grandpa Hank. I had to go back and grieve my sister as well! The pain of loosing so much was hard to get through, and explain to those who love me so much. Life doesn't stop as you are dealing with heart issues. There is still work, responsibilities, Cleaning, church, commitments, ect.
There is life after loose. You never stop grieving. You never forget the ones you love, but life does go on and our choices to enjoy your life however it is, is just that, choice.
