It is Over

Today, I declare I am officially Bankrupt and Divorced.

Earlier this year, I posted that it would take another few days....but today it is done. What now?

I have been living the last two years in between. Not married, not divorced. A single mom of two amazing kids. I was trying to keep up on the lunches, school notices, daycare, dishes, laundry, meals, budgets, money, the list goes on!

Today, not much has changed. I can tell you I have kept up on the school notices. I have space to followup on my teenager in regards to homework. I am not living as overwhelmed as I was this time last year. The haze has lifted a bit. I can breathe.

The changes that happened are not seen. To some I don't exist anymore. That is ok. I am learning that lonely and sad is so much better than silenced, beaten, and pretending.

I have so much to say, and I am not sure where to start. I have been silence for decades upon decades. I have lived in the shadows taking hit after hit mostly emotionally. I have put up with people who say they care but prove with their actions the opposite is true.

For today only, I am just celebrating the space I have to breathe. There is alot bubbling up as I heal. I will not stay silent anymore. I will find my platform to speak. I will shout, but not yet. I need the emotional space to just revile in the completion of what I have fought to gain. Independence.

Trevor Shelton has been my voice of encouragement over and over. Not everyone who started with me will finish with me. Not everyone who said I could call them are people that know I still exist. I have even buried a friend last month who lost her battle and voice. She lost her will to continue to try.

Not many people with my story are able to get to the point they can tell the story. In fact I would argue that the fact that I am sitting here writing this out is a testament to the Grace of God. A testament to my faith, to my will, to my fight. It is not me against the world. God wrote my story and He will finish it. Everything my mom has dutifully prayed for. Everything my Aunt has prayed for. I am sitting here as a result of God Himself and for no other reason.