What I know and what I don't.

Maybe the title should be changed to what I don't know and what I might know.

I don't know if I am as strong as people say I am. I know that I wake up everyday and try my best.
I don't know if I will actually change the world. I know I will do my best to change myself.
I don't know if I am a good mom. I know I try really hard to make a good life for my kids and protect them.
I don't know if I am lovable. I know I love deeply.
I don't know what will happen each day. I know that I will go to sleep at some point every night.
I don't know why people do what they do to others. I know that I care about everything I do.
I don't know if when I wake up the world will still make sense. I know it may not have to.
I don't know what I don't know. I know I am willing to try and learn.
I don't know where I will be in 6 months or a year. I know that I will still be me.
I don't know who will be with me in the end. I know that those who matter will be.

I might know that if you put the wrong oil in and engine, you can take it out. I might know how to follow a recipe, I don't know if it will be good. I know that I can follow really well, I don't know that I can lead. If I do lead I don't know where I will end up. I do know I will be able to tell you why.

An inspirational speaker I follow on FaceBook says, 'know your worth.' I don't know my worth. I don't know that my pain will be used for God's glory. I know it hurts, deeply. I know that what I have been through, isn't the way it is supposed to be. I don't know that I will never truly understand the way it is supposed to be. I don't know if I will ALWAYS struggle to such a level. If the storms will keep raging. I know that I can weather more than the average.

I want to know what it is like to live without fear.

I know that there is so much more to face. I know that I have a long road of healing ahead of me. I know that I have been controlled to the point where I have disassociated myself from reality in order to survive. I know that I am broken. I know that I look and crave the brokenness in others that I recognize in myself.

I know what I could be, what I want to be, but I don't know how to get there. I don't know what scares me more; seeing what is broken in me and not knowing how to fix it or revealing my brokenness to everyone for people to see. Maybe they already know and see. Maybe that which I seek and crave people are also seeking and craving.

In a world where hurting people hurt people can we allow ourselves to be vulnerable about what we know or don't know? About what we are scared to face or scared of what we face? Can we in all our brokenness cling to the brokenness in others and just be.