Be Gentle- Self!

This week was the most stressfull week I have had in a long time. Today, I was looking foward to getting to this box that is over a week behind. I found out about a case that was rejected with no one contacting me about it, and ended up sending an email to all of the managers in the department it belongs...venting my frustration, only to learn that the customer had messed with his account and the account was not ready so the rejection was justified. After work as well as while I was cooking dinner, I was beating myself up. Why??

I was justified in my frustration over my case being rejected...and so was the person who rejected the case. Just like the person, they did the best they could with the information presented to them, as I was with the information presented to me. I am justified in my frustration of not being able to get to work that is really behind, but I handled over 50 emails today. I sent the reports ontime and got orders out that were vital before the weekend. I took phone calls, made calls, and was able to meet and exceed expectations. I did the best I could...so why am I beating myself up??? People at work are coming to me for advise, complementing me...and making me blush! So I asked myself tonight...Why is it that I am not letting it go??

Well I had gone to God to help me understand...I went to my hubby...so where else do I turn?? Oh, google of course!! Low and behold...there was my answer; http://www.essential-practices.com/gentle.html (click the link) 

I am addicted to beating myself up. Just like a drug or alcohol addiction I am addicted to self deprecation. If I want to grow and attrack all that I want in life, I need to learn self validation not deprecation!!! Easy to say...hard to do for someone who has been doing it since she was tiny. I can't tell you where I learned it from or why I learn it, but somewhere somehow I learned the art of taking the blame for everything. 

There was a school shooting today, and I didn't know anyone involved, but I know people that have been affected by it. Breaks my heart...but I found as I go back in my head over the day that I probably was blaming myself for that too somehow. I was in the mode and I became an easy target as I was so focused on fixing and damage control that I wasn't taking those thoughts captive and setting boundaries up. If you read the whole artical, it is kinda long...it goes on to talk about how it is killing me. How this process stops me from being able to sleep, digest, and process putting me in a fight or flight response. 

I don't want to die from beating myself up over these little things. So the answer...write it out. It helps to write out how I feel, and work through it. If you read this regulary you see that happen over and over again as I grow. I don't really care what you think as long as it makes you think of how you handle things in your own world. Joyce Meyer talks about the battlefield of the mind. This battle is just as intense as taking a drink for an alcoholic. 

Self, you did a good job today! You worked hard, you overcame obsticals, you pointed out areas of opportunity, and didn't walk away. You were on time, you communicated and now it is time to put those things aside, and hug your family. Enjoy your kids, your house, and all that God as provided you. Pray for those who may be struggling with the same things you are, and let God have it!!