The First Lesson

I started the class on Tuesday 4/16 and did the homework Thursday. Then cried for the afternoon. Went to Yoga that evening...Fell asleep while playing SIM City...that has never happened before. Did the rest of my homework this morning and cried for the day off and on.

So what happened?? God! This is what I am taking right now: http://www.thelearntoletgoandgrowworkshops.com/About-Us.html

Lesson 1; Beginning, your launch into life.

Please see: http://katshel.blogspot.com/2013/01/my-sister.html

That happened when I was 5. I haven't gone to visit my sister's grave yet since 1999 and for some reason the year this happened didn't seem to matter till now. I have been guessing, not wanting to talk to my parents.   When I talk to my parents about it, I feel like I end up counseling them, still at 34 I feel like more of an adult than my parents.

I just sent a request to get the public records for the time to help me fill in the blanks-never done that before.

Throughout my life I have seen psychiatrists, counselors, psychologists, pastors , ect. without answers. This week, I have answers and words. I was able to put words to my 5/6 year old fears. Such as the fear my parents were responsible, the fear that my dad wouldn't believe me when I went to tell him. The fear of his reaction, as I had already learned that you don't wake up dad. Fear that I would be held responsible. Fear that I wasn't safe. Because if that happened to my sister,  what would happen to me?

I also realized that I was in a position at work where I was continuously being emotionally triggered from what happened to me when I was 5. Normal people don't have issues with their work like I was having...why? Well it speaks to my fears...that all seem silly to go into right now.

So how do you do this and be a mom, wife, employee, leader at church, and Girl Scout leader? Lots and Lots of prayer. Crying at my desk listening to Ocean by Bebo Norman, literally All Day at work. But, really and honestly nothing special. Just taking one minute, one day, one week one at a time.

I am learning that healing doesn't come all at once and takes as long as it needs to. This all came to light Nov 2009, and I am scratching the surface.

Stay tuned for Lessons 2 & 3!