I haven't had a night like this in a very long time. I am anxious, excited, nervous, a bit stressed, thinking, analyzing, calculating...and I have to go to work in the morning and do it for someone else. I remember I used to have these nights a lot. I can't even count them...where I just couldn't say enough about all that I was processing. I think it is good I don't have these nights very often. Lord knows I do much better when I sleep.
All summer we have been working on buying our house. I say buying, but it feels more like a gift, and not something that would have any value to anyone else than my family or more specifically, me. How can I say all the emotions about a silly house that I have??? Well, as my favorite nanny would sing...'Lets start at the very beginning, a very good place to start.'
My mom, dad and I moved out to Burien WA the summer of 1979, my dad had been told that Boeing was hiring massive labor. We rented a two bedroom house I called the Red House. I liked the house..we had a litter of kittens just after my baby sister was born. I was in charge if the little buggers cause mom could not get a round very easily for some time. The landlord was selling, and that meant we were out. We moved into a two bedroom apartment called Seahurst Mannor on the third floor as most of my parents friends lived there and we all went to the same church. After my sister died...I couldn't sleep in my room. The trauma was too much and every time I went in there I saw my dead sister. That is when we moved to the yellow house on Occidental Ave. It wasn't the house I wanted or dreamed of but it was bigger than the apartment and suited us for a time. We even had a wedding there, but I don't remember who's. My dad got transferred and the church we had been apart of was done, so we moved to Kent, and another yellow house. It was a nice house...it is the house I dream and think about when I am homesick, in many ways it was my house. Then when my parent divorced, dad got the house and mom and I moved to an apartment in Renton, we moved before I graduated to Kent...then I went back to Bozeman for a year of school before I moved to Spokane for a year, then went back to WA where I lived in Mukilteo and started to grow some roots. I have lived in or around Mukilteo, and Bothell till 2005. Jay and I then moved to Sutherlin OR with our little baby girl for two years when we quickly and quietly left to stay in Seattle for a year before moving the apartment we now live in, and have for the last 6 years. That is 18 different homes through out my life, moving about every two years throughout my school years.
Today we were approved to purchase our home. My first home that I own, in my name and hubbies of course. I wrote in a previous post what we have gone through to get to this point...you can read it when or if you want later. http://katshel.blogspot.com/2014/06/house-hunt-2014.html
The emotions I feel over this right now is hard to put in words....I dreamed of a two story house my whole life...with a backyard close to a school and a park. It is MY forever house, a gift I don't deserve from my sweet heavenly Father. Yet as I write this with tears streaming down my face, I get a picture that this is what God had been planning for me to have for a very long time. Something that I couldn't have till I was ready for the responsibility. 'With great power, comes great responsibility'.Tonight I think it is the other way around. God equips the chosen and empowers those who choose to take up the responsibility they are awarded.
We have had a couple tension filled days this week as things come together. I feel the prayers of those around me as we prepare to move and coordinate all the logistics, with a sense of peace that passes all understanding. The seller of the house is grateful our family gets to enjoy the house...our friends and family that have come accustom to our presence in the little postage stamp apartment are sad to see us go, but joyful at our new beginnings right along with us. I feel we are under God's guiding hand....I am not scared or fearful. I am hopeful...well most of the time. The old tapes start now and then with doubt and when something bad happens, I throw in the towel and give up my dream. Then I get a sweet gentle reminder that if I just Trust in Him and Him alone, the picture is redrawn on my heart and I am able to hope again. The desires of my heart that burn with hope and longing will come to pass before I know it.
My job right now is to live day to day and take each moment as it comes and concentrate on what is in my wheel house to do for the time. Harder to do than to say...but that also means I need to sleep now as I have about 5 hours before my responsibilities are reset. School is back on, lunches need to be made, dinners need to be cooked, things need not be forgotten, commitments to set. And with each moment I trust in my Lord, the author and perfecter of my faith.
